yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
