i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Enjoy the penises
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
