just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
