oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
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This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
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Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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