What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
