you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
