I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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