I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
time to smoke my breakfast
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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