i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Randomize
