i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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