I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
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