We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
