she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
