Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
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you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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