My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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