So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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