I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
