He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
