If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
