Can Purell be used as lube?
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
