I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize