I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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