I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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