Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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