I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
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i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
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It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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