I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
