wanna go halves on a baby?
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
