I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
