highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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