Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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