I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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