Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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