I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Randomize
