Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
