Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
