please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
