Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
