So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
