The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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