you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
