Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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