I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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