she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
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