your parents love me but you hate me
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
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They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
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Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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