I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
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