i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
