doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
