im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
