Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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