Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
