You can't motorboat a personality
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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