I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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