Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
