Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize
