im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
