very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize