did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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