my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I am midnight drunk by noon
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
