dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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