I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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