it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
