did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
