last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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