hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I didn't notice because vodka
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Randomize
